Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
