Pants 0. Shit 1.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
