im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
