yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
