The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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