Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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