I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
