I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
