holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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