Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
