I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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