Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
