im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
