Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
