haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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