Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
