im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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