I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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