508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize