I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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