I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
