i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
