Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
