Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
