Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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