I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
