Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
