He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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