I didn't shave. On purpose
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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