Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
