Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
