Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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