Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I want her autograph on my taint
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Randomize