he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
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