That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
