He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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