Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
