he shaved USA in his pubs
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
