So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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