So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
