oh fat girl friday strikes again...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
