I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
