Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
