not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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