you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
