well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
