so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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