Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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