Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
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