everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
