It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Randomize
