Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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