Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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