So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Randomize
