I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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