I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I deserve this hangover.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
