Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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