wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
