I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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