I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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