got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
