You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize