I love black thongs
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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