By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
