I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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