Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
