I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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