I only kidnapped one of them. chill
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
