You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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