She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
