Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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