the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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