apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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