FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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