Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
wow bdsm is so cute
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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