My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
