went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
