girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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