doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
