ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Is Oprah even human
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
