I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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