The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
