Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
