watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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