I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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