this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
