I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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