Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
