i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
