If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
