I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
