We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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