I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Come on in and take your pants off
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