In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
