Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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