And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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