Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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