question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you didnt know i had herpes?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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