morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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