You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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