Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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