I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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