Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
nutella sex= disaster
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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