I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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