guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize