this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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