i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
