I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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