You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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