If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
