she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
