John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
