i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
