When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
